Whether you are prepping for the first time or a seasoned pro, there's always more to learn about eating out. It's a misconception that eating out comes easily to cis-sapphics just because we've experienced both sides of it. Eating out a partner, especially for the first time, can be super intimidating. And we often impose a lot of pressure on ourselves to know what we're doing right off the bat. But there's a huge difference between knowing what you like down there and being able to make your partner feel good. So, from one sapphic to another, here are some tips & tricks to level up your head game.
Every Vulva is Unique
If you have a tried and true method that you know always hits, maybe rethink that. Knowing how to make one partner feel good doesn't mean your technique is universally pleasurable. Every vulva is unique, and sometimes you have to fight that muscle memory and remember to start from scratch.
Ask your new partner if there's anything particular they know they like. If they don't know, just try a few different tecnhiques and ask them to give you feedback as you go. Your partner may be a little shy--a lot of us have been conditioned to express pleasure no matter what we're feeling. So focus on how their body reacts when you can't rely on verbal feedback.
There will always be a bit of a learning curve, but if you pay close attention you'll be able to translate their verbal and physical cues into specific movements that bring them the most pleasure.
Don’t Rush
The more you build up anticipation the better. You've probably had the experience yourself of someone rushing straight in too hard and fully desensitizing your clitoris right off the bat. Don't make that mistake! It's hard to recover.
Instead, avoid the clitoris at first and focus on building physical anticipation. Kiss their inner thighs, trace the outlines of their labia with your tongue, lick from their vaginal opening towards the clit but stop right before you get there, apply pressure to the clitoris OVER the vaginal hood to stimulate it indirectly, etc. Not only does this make your partner really want it, it also encourages blood flow to their clitoris making it engorged and extra sensitive so when you finally get there, their body will be extra receptive to the sensation.
So much of arousal is mental and everyone likes to be teased at least a little. Play around with power dynamics as you build up physical anticipation. Make your partner tell you how badly they want it. Make them ask you nicely or beg you. Tell them you know how bad they want it but make them wait. Controlling when you deliver pleasure to your partner is a fun way to assert dominance, assuming your partner is on the submissive side. If they're more dominant in bed, be a brat about it. Tease them with playful refusal until they're borderline livid at you (but in a sexy way).
Communication is Key
ESPECIALLY the first time. Asking a lot of questions is such an easy way to fast-track the learning process. If you go into it blindly, there will be way more trial and error to go through before you get it right.
You don’t have to leave it up to your partner to spontaneously offer feedback—they may feel awkward or rude correcting you. Instead, initiate communication yourself and give them ample opportunities to guide you. Try checking in every once in a while with questions like:
“Am I in the right spot?”
“How’s this pressure?"
"How's this speed?"
"How does this feel?"
“Is there anything I can do differently?"
"Do you want me to keep going?"
You can also ask them to physically guide you by moving your head until they get your in the right position. Or ask them to show you where and how they like it with their fingers and use that as a reference.
Pace Yourself
Sometimes determining your pace can be counter-intuitive! As your partner gets closer to orgasm, you'll be tempted to match the vibe by ramping up pressure and speed. And sometimes that's the right move!
BUT sometimes the best thing you can do is keep everything completely consistent as you feel your partner reaching climax. If they are already on the wave of orgasm, exactly what you are doing in the moment can and will get them there. You don't necessarily need to change it up. You don't need to push them.
The best orgasms aren't necessarily the most intense. Instead of accelerating the process, try letting their orgasm rise, hit its peak, and fall organically. This can make the orgasm feel more full and satisfying rather than the occasionally jerky, stifled orgasm you can get if you push for it too intensely.
Use Your Hands
Nothing compares to that finger-tongue combo move! If they're ok with it with a little penetration, slip one or two fingers in while you eat them out. Combine internal and external pressure by stimulating the clitoris with your tongue while moving your fingers back and forth against their g-spot. You can also slide your fingers in and out while you move your tongue up and down their vulva simultaneously. Creating one seamless movement between internal and external stimulation compounds the sensation and can be extremely pleasurable.
My recommendation is not to start with this combo right off the bat. Stick with oral for a while and then when you know they're enjoying themselves, add the fingers. Don't be aggressive and push straight in unless you know they like that. Get them used to the feeling by just going in a little bit and waiting for them to push into your fingers to get them all the way inside.
Start slow--this feeling can be super powerful and you don't want to overwhelm them. When you have your fingers inside you don't have to immediately apply pressure. Chances are your partner will start grinding against your fingers and fucking themselves using you. This gives you valuable insight into what kind of internal motions they are looking for (in and out, up and down, faster or slower). Then it's easy for you to add pressure in a way that compliments and enhances their pleasure.
Know When to Move On
Don’t get frustrated! If you can't make your partner come from being eaten out, that's ok! Maybe they don't usually come from oral at all, maybe they're stressed and having trouble focusing, maybe it just wasn't in the cards that day--orgasms are influenced by so many random factors. Your partner not orgasming from oral DOES NOT mean that you did a bad job.
The worst thing you can do is get stubborn about it and make your partner feel pressure to reach orgasm. As soon as they think you expect them to orgasm, they'll feel like they're letting you down if they can't. And nothing fucks up an orgasm like overthinking it. Instead, switch things up! You can always circle back to oral later. Use a vibrator on them, switch to penetration, or have them focus on you for a bit.
Enjoy yourself!
Eating out should be FUN! Take your time and enjoy it. And even more importantly, convey your enjoyment to your partner. Being eaten out can make people feel vulnerable or self-conscious. They may be experiencing anxiety or guilt--worried that you're only trying to make them happy and it's not truly what you want. Showing your partner that you're genuinely enjoying yourself and getting off on their pleasure will help put them at ease.
Try complimenting them; tell them how hot they look or how good they taste. If that gives them the ick stick to non-verbal communication and moan while you eat them out. If you have a partner who's more of a giver and has trouble having their pleasure take center stage, you can try 69ing instead. That way they'll know you're enjoying yourself as much as they are.
Fun tip: try having a vibrator between your legs while you're giving head. Either hold it there with one hand or just put it in your underwear. Your partner can watch you get off as they're also getting off which is, of course, sexy as fuck :)
