We all know about scissoring--and the countless clickbait-y articles obsessing over it. Is it how lesbians have sex? Is it a myth? If you’re a sapphic person reading this, you probably already know the truth: there’s no one way sapphics have sex. While some of us love scissoring, it’s been given way more spotlight than it deserves.
So, let’s zoom out.
Grinding, in all its forms, is where things really get interesting. Beyond scissoring, there are so many ways to connect, move, and create friction that feel far more intuitive (and, for many, way more pleasurable). From phantom strapping to the much-memed “leg thing,” we’re opening the conversation up to grinding in all of its forms and guide you through our favorite ways to connect.
Scissoring: Fact or Fiction?
So..is scissoring really a thing?
Absolutely. Scissoring is a form of vulva-to-vulva grinding, where two people press and move against each other to create friction. For those who can get into the right position, it can feel incredibly intimate and stimulating. But for many others, it can be tricky to coordinate and sometimes feels like a lot of effort for relatively little payoff. So don't get discouraged if it doesn't work for you! You're most certainly not alone.
If you do want to give it a try, here are a few tips:
1. It’s all about the angles
Finding the right angle is often the most frustrating part of scissoring. You don't just click together like a puzzle piece, contrary to media portrayals. You'll have to do a lot of shifting around and readjusting. It's often a lot more physically draining than you realize, so don't be afraid to incorporate pillows and other props to support your bodies and reduce the strain.
2. Increase pressure
You may be rubbing your vulvas together like crazy and not feel anything at all! That's probably because, in order to actually stimulate each other's clits, you'll have to press your vulvas together firmly. Try holding onto each other's legs for greater leverage or bracing yourself against something to get that pressure just right!
3. Add a toy
An underrated upgrade: sandwiching a vibrator between your bodies (especially one with a longer handle for maximum control) can increase stimulation and make the experience more accessible! The trade-off, of course, is that this may feel less intimate than skin-on-skin contact, so you can always start out without a toy and then add one in at the very end for an added boost!
Tribbing: What's the Difference?
Not quite. Tribbing is actually an umbrella term:
The official definition: "Tribadism or tribbing, commonly known by its scissoring position, is a lesbian sexual practice involving vulva-to-vulva contact or rubbing the vulva against the partner's thigh, stomach, buttocks, arm, or other body parts."
So while scissoring is a type of tribbing, tribbing more broadly refers to any kind of grinding your vulva against your partner’s body. For some people, tribbing is actually their primary way to orgasm. But even if it’s not your go-to, it’s still a super fun, low-effort way to connect and build tension without needing much precision.
Fun sapphic factoid: We bet you didn't know tribbing is one of the oldest sapphic innuendos in history! Derived from the Greek "tribein" (to rub), it referred to sapphic sex even back then. It later evolved into "tribade," used in 16th-century Europe to describe people who engaged in sapphic sex.
Dry Humping: An Even BIGGER Umbrella Term
You’ve probably heard the term, but how is it different from tribbing?
While tribbing is specifically about vulva-based grinding—focused on clitoral stimulation and often carrying sapphic-specific connotations—dry humping is a much broader category. It can involve any kind of grinding against a partner’s body, regardless of genitals, or an object, like a pillow or the arm of a couch.
So yes, they overlap--but they don’t mean the same thing.
Tribbing is a more specific, anatomy-focused, and historically sapphic term. Dry humping, on the other hand, is more general but also culturally loaded in a different way; It’s often associated with straight sex, and commonly framed as a way to simulate penetration without direct genital contact--whether to avoid STI risk, bodily fluids, or even the idea of “losing your virginity.”
Phantom Strapping: What the Heck is That??
Unless you're chronically on the sapphic sex educator side of social media, like us, you probably haven't heard of the term "phantom strapping." It's by no means an official, clinical term, but we think it's a cool concept, so we're going to talk about it anyway!
Phantom strapping is more about mental stimulation than physical. It's when your partner performs the motions of penetrative strap-on sex by grinding on you without any actual penetration or the use of a strap-on, but you feel as though you are being penetrated. So when your partner thrusts against you, you literally feel as though they are inside you.
Not everyone understands phantom strapping--basically, if you know, you know, and if you don't, that's ok, we also have physical strap-ons after all!
The "Leg Thing:" Social Media Obsession
Another term that will sound familiar if you spend a lot of time on TikTok or Instagram. The "leg thing🥵🔥" has been memed to death by sapphics and straight women alike, with many people offering tutorials and advice. Here's what it means:
The "leg thing" refers to when, during a make-out or cuddle session with a partner, they put their knee between your legs, with some pressure and/or gentle movement--essentially giving you a platform to grind on. So it's essentially just a subcategory of tribbing involving one person grinding on the other's thigh. Simple as that, but not to be underestimated!
Why We LOVE Grinding
For cis, straight couples, grinding is often treated as an afterthought—or just a bit of foreplay before penetration. But for sapphics, it’s so much more than that. It’s one of the most intimate ways to connect.
There are surprisingly few ways for sapphics to experience simultaneous pleasure. We’re great at taking turns, but getting off at the same time can be a very connective and special.
That’s part of why, even though something like scissoring can be challenging as hell, a lot of us are willing to put in the effort. There’s something uniquely intimate about pressing your bodies together, moving in sync, and sharing that pleasure at the same time.
So if you haven't given grinding a shot, we highly recommend it!
Want Something With a Little More Punch?
If you’re looking for that same sense of connection but with a little extra intensity, you’re not alone! That’s exactly why we design our toys the way we do: as tools to help make simultaneous pleasure more accessible and intuitive.
Go browse our collection of innovative partner toys designed by sapphics and loved by all :)