You may have heard terms like "strapless strap," "double-ended dildo," "share dildo," and "partner dildo." If all those terms are confusing to you and you don't understand the differences, I'm here to simplify things by telling you there aren't any! All these terms more or less refer to the same toy, but this toy can take many different shapes. Let's get into it!  Defining a partner dildo A partner dildo describes any dildo that is designed to penetrate TWO people at once. These toys are typically used for vagina-to-vagina, anus-to-anus, or anus-to-vagina penetration. Depending on the design, some partner dildos may be better suited to a certain type of sex than others.  If you've heard the term "DP dildo" or "double-penetration dildo," this is not the same as a partner dildo. A DP dildo is designed to penetrate one person's vagina and anus simultaneously.  The two shapes of partner dildo There are two main shapes of partner dildos. One looks like two dildos stuck together at the base and the other has a bulbous shape on one side and a dildo on the other.  1. This shape of partner dildo is also known as a strapless strap. In theory, this design makes a harness unnecessary during strap-on sex because the bulbous end hooks into one partner's vagina and holds the dildo in place while they penetrate the other partner. In practice, most people require a harness to stop the dildo from falling out. But even with a harness, this type of partner dildo is super fun! When designed correctly, it can stimulate the G-spot and clitoris of the wearer as they penetrate their partner.  2. The second type of partner dildo looks more like two dildos connected in the middle. These are a little less versatile in terms of positions. The best and most intuitive way to use it in my opinion, is in the scissoring position both grinding onto opposite ends of the dildo and using each others hips for support. But you can also experiment with being on all fours facing away from each other and backing onto the dildo--though this can feel a little impersonal!  If you're wondering which type of toy is preferred by sapphics overall, here are the stats: 66% of sapphics said #1 is their ideal partner dildo while 34% of sapphics said #2.  Sapphics and partner dildos Partner dildos are an incredible tool sapphics can use to deepen their connection during sex. They can let you feel the physical pleasure of penetrating your partner, a sensation that is often inaccessible or logistically complicated for a lot of the sapphic community. While it can be hard to find one that's just right, give it a try! It'll be worth the work once you get the hang of it!

Your first time using a strap-on can be intimidating, to say the least! Here are a few tips and tricks to help you out, from one sapphic to another.  Picking a Dildo IMO, you should pick your first strap-on dildo in person. Go to a sex store--ideally, queer and/or woman-owned--with your partner and get a feel for all the different options--size, shape, squishyness, curvature, vibration, etc!   If going in person feels too daunting, there are a ton of options online. But do your research! Use a reputable site and make sure the material is 100% body-safe. It's also important to measure before you buy. The dildo could be a lot larger or smaller than they appear on your screen. Look for a size guide and compare it to your fingers or a household object.  Also, aesthetics may not feel important but I'd advise you to pick a dildo that you like the look of. It can be more jarring than you think to see a phallic object attached to you or your partner's body for the first time. Pick one that feels appealing and unthreatening. Pick a color you like. Sparkles, tie-dye, neon--the sky's the limit!  Picking a Strap-On Harness While there are a TON of different harness options in the strap-on universe, let's just explore the 2 main categories you'll be looking for as a beginner: traditional harness and underwear style.  Traditional strap-on-harnesses look just like a harness you'd use for rock-climbing. It typically has three adjustable straps: one around your waist and two that fit around your butt cheeks. It will also most likely have a stabilizing ring that you can adjust to fit the girth of the dildo and keep it in place.  Pros: They are the most adjustable making them the most secure and size-inclusive. You can tighten the straps to fit perfectly to the curves of your body, making it far less likely that the harness will sag down or fall off during use.  Cons: They require more setup. All the loops and straps can be confusing to a beginner, which can take you out of the moment.  An underwear-style strap-on harness is a little different. Basically, it just looks like underwear but with a hole for the dildo to poke through.  Pros: you're ready to go in seconds! Just slip on the harness like a normal pair of undies. They also come in a ton of different styles and patterns: boxers, briefs, thongs, crotchless, etc.  Cons: they usually don't have an adjustable waistband. An elastic waistband may not fit snuggly enough or may stretch out over time. If the waistband is too loose, you'll have trouble keeping the dildo in place.  You'll also want to pay attention to the material and make sure it feels comfy. For example, leather harnesses may look sexy, but sometimes they can feel a bit uncomfortable and stiff, especially to a newbie.  LOTS of Lube Even if your partner is already wet, adding lube to the toy is crucial. An unlubed toy will feel super uncomfy and stiff in there!  Make sure you're using water-based lube. Silicone lube degrades silicone toys. The drawback to waterbased lube is that it dries up far more quickly than silicone lube, so remember to reapply frequently as you go. Get a Grip (Literally) If you haven't had strap-on-sex yet, you'll be using a whole new set of thrusting muscles you may never have exercised before. It's easy to run out of steam the first time around. Try this tip: Grip your partner's body (hips, thighs, hair if they're ok with it) and pull them against you while pushing into them. This lets you supplement the lower body effort you're using to thrust in and out with upper body arm strength. Holding on to a bed frame or any other available furniture also works in a pinch!  But don't worry. It's normal to need breaks! Don't be embarrassed to tell your partner you need to pause or ask them to be on top while you catch your breath,  Let Them Guide You Communication is always important, but for beginner strap-on-sex, it is absolutely critical! You don't have the advantage of being able to feel what's going on down there with your dildo. When you finger your partner, you can gain so much valuable insight from sensory cues like clenching and releasing of their vaginal muscles. Can't do that with a strap-on! So let them guide you! Don't start aggressively thrusting right off the bad. Sometimes, it helps to just put the dildo in and let them orient their body to get you to the right spot. Then, you can add in some motion. Make sure you escalate thrusting speed and intensity very gradually and keep checking in with your partner as you go.  Work Up To It Dilation is important. If you and your partner are used to fingering as the only form of penetration you incorporate during sex, you may not be prepared to take a whole dildo right off the bat. You'll want to work up to it by gradually increasing the size of the object you insert into your partner's vagina. Start with a finger or two or three. See how they're feeling. Then try the dildo bit by bit until they're sure they can take it and it feels good.  Be Patient For many sapphics, strap-on sex is not intuitive at all. It's a skill that takes a long time to perfect. Don't be hard on yourself. If the dildo keeps falling out, you can't get the motion right, or you run out of stamina, that's all totally normal. Don't give up. It'll be worth the effort when you get it right. 

Whether you are prepping for the first time or a seasoned pro, there's always more to learn about eating out. It's a misconception that eating out comes easily to cis-sapphics just because we've experienced both sides of it. Eating out a partner, especially for the first time, can be super intimidating. And we often impose a lot of pressure on ourselves to know what we're doing right off the bat. But there's a huge difference between knowing what you like down there and being able to make your partner feel good. So, from one sapphic to another, here are some tips & tricks to level up your head game.  Every Vulva is Unique If you have a tried and true method that you know always hits, maybe rethink that. Knowing how to make one partner feel good doesn't mean your technique is universally pleasurable. Every vulva is unique, and sometimes you have to fight that muscle memory and remember to start from scratch.  Ask your new partner if there's anything particular they know they like. If they don't know, just try a few different tecnhiques and ask them to give you feedback as you go. Your partner may be a little shy--a lot of us have been conditioned to express pleasure no matter what we're feeling. So focus on how their body reacts when you can't rely on verbal feedback.  There will always be a bit of a learning curve, but if you pay close attention you'll be able to translate their verbal and physical cues into specific movements that bring them the most pleasure.  Don’t Rush The more you build up anticipation the better. You've probably had the experience yourself of someone rushing straight in too hard and fully desensitizing your clitoris right off the bat. Don't make that mistake! It's hard to recover.  Instead, avoid the clitoris at first and focus on building physical anticipation. Kiss their inner thighs, trace the outlines of their labia with your tongue, lick from their vaginal opening towards the clit but stop right before you get there, apply pressure to the clitoris OVER the vaginal hood to stimulate it indirectly, etc. Not only does this make your partner really want it, it also encourages blood flow to their clitoris making it engorged and extra sensitive so when you finally get there, their body will be extra receptive to the sensation.  So much of arousal is mental and everyone likes to be teased at least a little. Play around with power dynamics as you build up physical anticipation. Make your partner tell you how badly they want it. Make them ask you nicely or beg you. Tell them you know how bad they want it but make them wait. Controlling when you deliver pleasure to your partner is a fun way to assert dominance, assuming your partner is on the submissive side. If they're more dominant in bed, be a brat about it. Tease them with playful refusal until they're borderline livid at you (but in a sexy way).  Communication is Key ESPECIALLY the first time. Asking a lot of questions is such an easy way to fast-track the learning process. If you go into it blindly, there will be way more trial and error to go through before you get it right.  You don’t have to leave it up to your partner to spontaneously offer feedback—they may feel awkward or rude correcting you. Instead, initiate communication yourself and give them ample opportunities to guide you. Try checking in every once in a while with questions like: “Am I in the right spot?” “How’s this pressure?" "How's this speed?" "How does this feel?" “Is there anything I can do differently?" "Do you want me to keep going?" You can also ask them to physically guide you by moving your head until they get your in the right position. Or ask them to show you where and how they like it with their fingers and use that as a reference.  https://www.foundsf.org/index.php Pace Yourself Sometimes determining your pace can be counter-intuitive! As your partner gets closer to orgasm, you'll be tempted to match the vibe by ramping up pressure and speed. And sometimes that's the right move!  BUT sometimes the best thing you can do is keep everything completely consistent as you feel your partner reaching climax. If they are already on the wave of orgasm, exactly what you are doing in the moment can and will get them there. You don't necessarily need to change it up. You don't need to push them.  The best orgasms aren't necessarily the most intense. Instead of accelerating the process, try letting their orgasm rise, hit its peak, and fall organically. This can make the orgasm feel more full and satisfying rather than the occasionally jerky, stifled orgasm you can get if you push for it too intensely.  Use Your Hands Nothing compares to that finger-tongue combo move! If they're ok with it with a little penetration, slip one or two fingers in while you eat them out. Combine internal and external pressure by stimulating the clitoris with your tongue while moving your fingers back and forth against their g-spot. You can also slide your fingers in and out while you move your tongue up and down their vulva simultaneously. Creating one seamless movement between internal and external stimulation compounds the sensation and can be extremely pleasurable. My recommendation is not to start with this combo right off the bat. Stick with oral for a while and then when you know they're enjoying themselves, add the fingers. Don't be aggressive and push straight in unless you know they like that. Get them used to the feeling by just going in a little bit and waiting for them to push into your fingers to get them all the way inside. Start slow--this feeling can be super powerful and you don't want to overwhelm them. When you have your fingers inside you don't have to immediately apply pressure. Chances are your partner will start grinding against your fingers and fucking themselves using you. This gives you valuable insight into what kind of internal motions they are looking for (in and out, up and down, faster or slower). Then it's easy for you to add pressure in a way that compliments and enhances their pleasure. Know When to Move On Don’t get frustrated! If you can't make your partner come from being eaten out, that's ok! Maybe they don't usually come from oral at all, maybe they're stressed and having trouble focusing, maybe it just wasn't in the cards that day--orgasms are influenced by so many random factors. Your partner not orgasming from oral DOES NOT mean that you did a bad job.  The worst thing you can do is get stubborn about it and make your partner feel pressure to reach orgasm. As soon as they think you expect them to orgasm, they'll feel like they're letting you down if they can't. And nothing fucks up an orgasm like overthinking it. Instead, switch things up! You can always circle back to oral later. Use a vibrator on them, switch to penetration, or have them focus on you for a bit.  Enjoy yourself! Eating out should be FUN! Take your time and enjoy it. And even more importantly, convey your enjoyment to your partner. Being eaten out can make people feel vulnerable or self-conscious. They may be experiencing anxiety or guilt--worried that you're only trying to make them happy and it's not truly what you want. Showing your partner that you're genuinely enjoying yourself and getting off on their pleasure will help put them at ease. Try complimenting them; tell them how hot they look or how good they taste. If that gives them the ick stick to non-verbal communication and moan while you eat them out. If you have a partner who's more of a giver and has trouble having their pleasure take center stage, you can try 69ing instead. That way they'll know you're enjoying yourself as much as they are.  Fun tip: try having a vibrator between your legs while you're giving head. Either hold it there with one hand or just put it in your underwear. Your partner can watch you get off as they're also getting off which is, of course, sexy as fuck :)

Have you ever wondered why lesbians are at the front of the LGBTQ acronym? Well, it didn't start out that way. Let's explore the acronym's origin and the history of gay/lesbian solidarity.